Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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