Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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