I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
