Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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