How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
