Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
