I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
