i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
