guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
