im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
