k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
