I have demons in me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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