And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
