The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
