I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
