Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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