You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
