plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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