so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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