I need to stop coming to work sober
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
