i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
