I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
