Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you still have your period?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
