Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
