the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize