yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
