dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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