My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
