That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
