You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize