this just has baby written all over it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
