I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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