And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
