yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
