i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
