Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
