my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
