Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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