I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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