you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize