I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
