I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
