I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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