Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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