you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
