I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
