Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
