It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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