you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
