It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize