Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So many bounce houses so little time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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