I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
