According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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