Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
