Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
