the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Farmville is her only friend.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
