i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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