I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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