my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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