Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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