I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
