I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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