so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
