drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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