Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
