It was confusing and full of hummus
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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