i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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