She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize