She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
