Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
