Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
