I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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