Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
