the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
