she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
