ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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