upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
