so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
