you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
