I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
