I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
