naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
