He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
