my phone needs a breathalizer
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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