saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
