So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
