I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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