if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
