can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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