Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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