Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
