Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize