why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
