You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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