I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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