I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
