Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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