god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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