So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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