when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
