ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize