Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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