I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
two words: eviction party
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
