I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
