I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
