I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
