Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
