we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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