plz talk dirty to me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
