How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
