remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
