You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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