so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
