Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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