dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
