its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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