i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
