put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
